Florida

   A few weeks ago, we visited my stepdad at his new house in Florida. We had an actual bed to sleep in this time, and he has an enclosed inground pool in the backyard, a three car garage, tile floors, and I got to drive his shiny new car. It felt like a fancy bed and breakfast, except we had to make our own breakfast. It was a much needed break from New Jersey. Except it was hot. He lives so far south in Florida it's almost Cuba. It didn't help when we were driving over some water one day and Kyle asked if it was the end of Florida.
   We were there to dogsit Benjamin while Ron and Tami visited family, so I was woken up at the crack of dawn for the first few days to walk the dog. The first morning, a cop came flying around the bend of the road and pulled up next to me (at seven in the morning). He asked if I'd seen anyone else around. The neighborhood is full of empty foreclosure houses and freakishly-dense tropical forests for yards, so I was looking out for alligators, not other people. I asked him if I should be on the lookout for someone? He said no, they wouldn't be after me, they're just running from the cops. As if that wasn't worrisome enough, he also asked if I had my cell phone on me (just in case?), so we went straight back to the house.
   That was a great Florida welcome. But it got better a few days later, since at that point I was on alert for people in the forests. We were right up the road from Ron's house where there's some short grass for the short dog to poop in. Benjamin did his business and I turned around to head back, and 10 feet ahead of me I saw these three cats just crossing the street. At first I thought it was just a wild housecat and her two kittens. Maybe someone had clipped her tail short? But then I noticed the two smaller ones had the same short tail, and the same pointy ears. Thankfully Benjamin didn't even notice and I power-walked him home the long way. When we got back I Googled bobcat pictures, since one of the nearby shopping areas is named "Bobcat Village". I figured there was a reason.
   When I told Ron, he said he was afraid of something like that, or of something running out and taking little Benjamin. Oh and there was an article in the local newspaper a few weeks ago of a bobcat sighting a few streets over. Thanks for warning me!
   Of course he doesn't actually believe me now, because a few days later, I was walking Benjamin down the same road, on the lookout. I kept hearing this strange noise, until I realized it was the mail in my hands scraping against my pants, but I turned around to check behind me anyway. I saw something in the road a few feet from me and I flipped out and almost took off thinking it was another bobcat, but it was just some really tall weeds growing in the middle of the road. So now I've lost all credibility for my bobcat story and Ron thinks I just saw some grass. I'm not THAT crazy, I definitely saw some bobcats the first time!
   I also realized that if they did come attack me and the dog, I'd have to sacrifice the dog because I wouldn't do well in a bobcat fight. Sorry Benjamin.
   We also visited the aquarium in Sarasota. Since Florida's full of old people, they had benches every few feet so I could stop and rest. Didn't help though, Kyle had to drive home (shh don't tell Ron), and I slept the entire ride. We had stopped at a Chick-fil-a beforehand, and I asked if they had a military discount. We got a meal and a milkshake for $4. They have a 50% discount for military apparently. I guess that's to make up for their anti-gay thing.
   Kyle let me drag him around the mall another day and to Super Walmart. Oh how I miss civilization.
   Other fun stuff in Florida: a two-inch spider jumping across Ron's living room, the most disgusting Golden Corral buffet I've ever been to, a "Mastectomy Salon", and an incredible amount of old people. But we didn't see any alligators.